the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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