I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
