I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
