Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
