On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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