I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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