these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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