I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
