So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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