What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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