Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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