That's when you crack a 10am beer
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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