It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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