All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
