Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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