idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
