yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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