You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize