Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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