This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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