how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
