Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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