I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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