I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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