Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
