batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
