soooo we both peed the bed last night...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
