just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
