Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
