remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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