when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
