I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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