well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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