I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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