Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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