i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
