This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize