I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
