Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
