Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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