i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
