i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
