My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
