the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
