He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
