been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
