wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
