Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
