U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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