Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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