i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
