man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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