I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
