I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
