Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
