what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
