i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
