Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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