I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
