this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
