i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
