i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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