so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
