Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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