Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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