something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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