I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
of course. lets lasso hookers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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