the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
