Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
