I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
