Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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