I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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