best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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