Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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