I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
