Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
