dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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