I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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