Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
