I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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