He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
