Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
