Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
